I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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