I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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