The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
