I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You ruined the universe
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
