i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
