Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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