is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
