Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
