she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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