I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
