your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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