last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
