I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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