can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize