Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
