I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
