I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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