I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
