then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
