Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
