They should really pass out barf bags in church
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need water and some morals
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
