before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
