Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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