i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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