the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
