oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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