Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
