He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
