I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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