thus making me awesome and them whores
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
