She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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