wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
