I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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