I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
