I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
