you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
