Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
