What a fucking waste of an outfit
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I want her autograph on my taint
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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