I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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