Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
