he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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