so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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