Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
