My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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