i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
