Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
