Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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