The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
