I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am full of burrito and curiosity
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
