She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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