I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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