So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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