I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
