Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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