i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it's like iHOP with fire
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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