So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
