Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
