I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
