I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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