she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
