I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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