I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
