Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
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Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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