You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Randomize
