I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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