last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
