I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
