there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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