Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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