there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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