I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
