Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
