If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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