I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've blown a few things in my day
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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