you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize