he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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