what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
