I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
