just come out here and I will go home with you...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
