how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
