She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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